Imaginary conversation with a cat, early one frigid morning…

Meow?

Hey, meow?

C’mon, man, meow already!

Go ‘way, Kitty. I’m asleep.

Can I go outside?

Kitty, it’s freezing out there.

Can I just have a look?

You’re just going to stand there for five minutes while I 

shiver in the cold wind holding the door open, then decide 

you don’t want to go out after all. So no.

Please? I promise I’ll check very carefully before I go out, 

and if it’s too cold I’ll come right back in. Meow?

It’s ten below outside! You’d freeze. No, Kitty. I’m sorry.

You’re mean.

I know, Kitty. Please let me sleep now.

Well, will you feed me?

Not right now, OK? Please let me sleep.

Don’t hide under the blankets. You know that never works. 

I really want some food now.

Not now, Kitty.

Even if I sit on your shoulder?

I’m sorry. I need to sleep.

How ‘bout if I do that thing where I gently paw at you?

Please don’t do that.

With my claws out?

Stop that.

How about if I just walk around on your head?

STOP that!

Here come the claws…

Alright, alright! I’m up. I’m going to the kitchen. 

I’m getting your food.

Will you carry me?

Of course I will.

And give me some water, too?

Of course I will.

And while you’re carrying me you can babytalk to me. I 

like that.

“Good Kitty. You’re a good Kitty. Yes you are!”

And when I’m done eating can I come snuggle with you? 

I promise I’ll purr real loud; I know you like that…

Of course you can, Kitty.

Then can I go outside?

<sigh> We'll see, Kitty.

The Blues Viking

The thoughts expressed here are mine and if you don't like them you can get your own damn blog.